we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
false alarm. still invincible.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Randomize
