I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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