She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
