making cat noises will not fix the situation.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
