is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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