i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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