I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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