Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Randomize
