So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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