Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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