I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
