I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Randomize
