in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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