Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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