i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
