Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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