Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
