I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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