Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
