i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
