I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
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