So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I'm bleeding and have questions
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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