did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
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