You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Let's paint friendship bongs
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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