My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
