I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
