Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Sorry about my life...
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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