Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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