I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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