I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Who put my cat in the fridge?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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