I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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