When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
