i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
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