I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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