that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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