I'm really into asian looking animals
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
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