I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
