If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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