i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
