You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize