My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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