she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
