No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
