Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Randomize
