I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
