we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
