i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
