now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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