Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
