sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
