you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
