Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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