dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
