I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
