I want to walk on stilts...naked
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
