i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
