ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
MIDGETS
????
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
