how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
