at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
My bed smells like the plague
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
