just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
