Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.

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(443): View more from Maryland

ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...

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(410): View more from Maryland

hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)

(1-410): View more from Maryland

stop writing like that.

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(315): View more from New York

why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?

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(201): View more from New Jersey

the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do

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(540): View more from Virginia

casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?

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(660): View more from Missouri

I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah

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(770): View more from Georgia

Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much

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(817): View more from Texas

Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.

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