Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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