Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
