Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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