yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
