life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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